adventures of a psychopathic magnet

The Game Is Up.

So, I don't know how aware of this you are, but I can be rather secretive when it comes to stuff about me, say feelings, odd quirks ect. More than once I have been given the lecture on the importance of sharing these things but my response was usually to go bake something (when I am irritated I have a tendency to either go for a really long walk or cook). Now, for no apparent reason I am ready to share some, by no means all, of these odd little tendencies with you. So read quickly, I may realize what I have done and take it down.
-there are lots of emotions i am not good at expressing. Anger is one of them. That is why few people have ever see me yell, usually I lock myself in a room and cry in frustration at not being able to really yell and just get it out there. When this happens, it is best to just leave me alone until I am ready to come out, if I decide not to lock myself in a room but to cook instead, the same rule applies. If you talk to me you aren't making anything better, you are pissing me off more.
-I try to avoid any kind of confrontation. If I absolutely must confront someone about something, I would prefer for one or both parties to be semi intoxicated, if not I turn bright red and feel very jittery and scared. And it usually means that what I am confronting you about has been bothering me for a really long time.
-I am embarrassed by crying. That is to say, if i cry, I feel embarrassed for crying it doesn't matter if I am alone or with people. I also try to aviod crying with people around.
-I am ticklish everywhere. sides, feet, hands, roof of my mouth, everywhere.
-I am easily frightened, that is why i don't watch horror flicks.
-I am afraid of more things than I would ever care to count or admit to.
-Everytime I board a plane, I touch the outside just before I step through the door. I have done it ever since I was a little kid.
-I have issues eating with people. I don't really like people watching me eat and can often be found holding one hand over my mouth when eating around people i don't know very well or I wait until they aren't looking to take a bite. I hate it when people chew with their mouths open, smack their lips, talk with their mouth full, hold their silverware in a fist, eat with their face approximatly 2 inches above their food and lick knives. The smell of mustard makes me sick and mayo is evil. If I know you really well I have an easier time eating with you and am less likely to look in another direction while we eat, if i know you well and i still turn away it doesn't mean that you gross me out or that i don't trust you, i'm just crazy.
-There are several words that I absolutely hate and chances of you hearing me say them are slim to nil, but I won't tell people what they are so they won't tease and/or torment me with them. When I hear them I pretend like it doesn't bother me.
-Getting a letter in the mail will make my whole day
-It drives me crazy when people show up later than they say and don't call or when they just blow me off altogether.
-I hate it when people look through or use my stuff without asking or when I am not there.
-I lie. A lot. Other times I am telling the truth and am glad everyone takes it as a lie.
-I am always surprised when someone says that they were talking about me. I really don't think I am interesting and can't figure out why people would waste their time talking about me. Also when I know that someone was talking about me, I want to know exactly what was said or it bothers me, I try to hide this.
-I never get under the covers in my clothes, it creeps me out to think about whatever germs are on my pants being under the covers, on top is apparently fine. I also hate shoes and food on my bed but unless you are my brother the odds of me saying anything to you about these three things is slim.
-I have no idea what size bra i wear and have no intention of ever being fitted for one.
-I can't leave the kitchen messy after making something. Every pot, pan, plate, bowl, whatever has to be put in the dishwasher or at very least rinsed, all the counters washed off and everything put away. I used to clean the kitchen in Vienna between 4 and 7 times a day because they would always leave it covered in stuff and it drove me nuts.
-I don't like it when other people use my towel.
-unless i have been drinking i feel really awkward around people i have just met or that i don't know very well. When I have been drinking I will talk to anyone, but there is always the chance i will run away as my attention span has a tendency to disappear.
-I have the ability to forget that i have to go to the bathroom.
-I hate having friends angry with me and try to do everything in my power to avoid pissing them off. If I know they are upset with me about something I did, I feel like shit and on more than one occasion have had dreams of them yelling at me.
-Sitting in a coffee shop, whether with friends or a book, has the power to make me blissfully happy.
-when people share all their woes with me, the only thing that bothers me is that they only thing I can think to say when they are done is "that sucks, i'm sorry...do you want a hug?"
-I readily admit that I am a horrible person, I make mean comments all the time. I often feel bad about that, but usually only if it was about someone I like.
-Sometimes I am unable to say no.
-I often think that people know all of this and more about me but are just humoring me by pretending they don't. That said, this is all I am going to reveal as I now feel rather naked.

posted by lulu @ 2:04 AM